She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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