I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
