We named our party play list daddy issues
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You made out with two different species that night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
