I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
