I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
