final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Floor bacon is actually really good
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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