Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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