I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
