when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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