I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize