what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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