He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
