i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
