I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I smell like Dick and happiness
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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