The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
