It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
