it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
