What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
