I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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