go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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