If i come over, it means nothing
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
