So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
