What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize