I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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