I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
