It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
