I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
