Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
