I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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