Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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