im so drunk with asians
where?
always
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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