I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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