She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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