I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
