Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
