Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
