Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need to sanitize my soul.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
