but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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