Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
did i just pee glitter
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