I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
