Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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