I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
