i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
someone owes me an orgasm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
