i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The power of my boobs compel you
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
