Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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