WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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