this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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