I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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