In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
