Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i have two assholes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
