thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
