apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
