I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
