I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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