I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
