even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
