i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
worst night to have a conscience
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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