your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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