is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
