I love black thongs
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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