He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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