I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
