I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
