i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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