FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
