I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
