Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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