I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
