You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
