Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
