i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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