3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
