So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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