tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
