you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
