does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
